Go forth

How about making bubble-wrap filled with helium, so that the more diligently you wrap your parcels, the lighter they become, and thus the cheaper they are to post…

You’d only need, say, fifty metres of bubble-wrap make the sending of a modestly sized cupcake to a long-distance birthday-endowed chum absolutely free.

I’ll take that million in Zimbabwean dollars please.

…so that every pair of shoes I buy ends up squeaking as if I am constantly followed by the mournful ghost of Beaker from the Muppets?