Euclid MacDowell
What exactly does Andie MacDowell do now, apart from appear in adverts for wrinkle cream? She certainly doesn’t seem to be doing much acting, the very thing that presumably got her the job as L’Oréal’s facial fold reduction spokesperson.
Perhaps the constant application of cosmetics has decreased her many wrinkles and creases so much that she’s now become two dimensional, a flat sheet that can only be seen from two sides, like a cardboard cutout. The next step will be for L’Oréal to introduce a kind of facial mangle that you can run your head through to achieve absolute flatness, a Euclidean plane in which your wrinkles are not only reduced – they’re a mathematical impossibility. The CrushaLux Ultra: Because you’re worth it.
Th only problem though, if I’ve got my geometry right, is that if you reduce a three dimensional object with mass to a mathematical plane, that plane becomes infinitely large, although only in two dimensions. The thought of an infinite Andie MacDowell flogging cosmetics is just too much to bear, and she wouldn’t fit on my TV screen.